awakening.

So, needless to say, I am not the greatest at keeping up with this blog. Life gets busy and sometimes, I don't know what to say or how to say it. I'll try to get better but I can't make any promises. 

Do you ever just feel like you're not yourself and you have no idea why? That's where I've been for the past year. I haven't wanted to admit it, but I've honestly been depressed. That seems crazy considering being engaged and getting married is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. (Disclaimer: Please don't misunderstand me here. I am so incredibly happy. I have the world's best husband and I DO NOT regret getting married.) I just was lacking joy and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I tried getting into the Word more and surrounding myself with community. It would temporarily get me out of the rut but it wasn't long until I was back in there. 

Last weekend, the Lord really opened my eyes. We had a retreat with the BCM and God finally showed me the issue. I've been going through the motions. I haven't been finding my joy in Christ. This seems like it would be an obvious issue but it's so easy to trick yourself into thinking you're okay. After realizing the problem I've had for the past year, I still had no idea what to do about it. Why couldn't I find my joy in the one who saved me and showed me what true joy was? Why was I going through the motions still? 

The problem with living in the "Belt Buckle" of the "Bible Belt" is that everyone thinks that they are expected to be perfect Christians. Because of this, we put on a front. We act like everything is okay and that we aren't struggling with anything. This then turns into a vicious cycle. Because we don't want to admit we're dealing with some hard things, we don't ask other people how they're doing. So then, all of us are going around acting like we're okay and happy when we're struggling and not happy at all. This is a HUGE problem. This isn't how we were meant to live. We're supposed to share one another's burdens. We're supposed to ask for prayer when we're going through a rough time. We're supposed to have community to keep us accountable with the things we struggle with. And this isn't just for our own benefit. This is so when we find our joy in Christ, we keep finding it and our cup can overflow onto others. So others will see our joy and ask us where it comes from. When we don't get the first thing right, Christ can't be seen through us properly. THAT'S a BIG problem. 

I really encourage you guys, if you're struggling with something. Don't be afraid to admit it. God knows how to help you with what you're going through and a lot of times he uses other people in your life to do that. That's what he's done in my life. Don't get stuck in the rut. If you're there, get out. As quick as you can. Don't let the devil get even a toe-hold in your life. Be honest with yourself. Most importantly, be honest with God. And please don't stop your cup from overflowing. 

With His Love. For His Glory. 

It's about time.

Hey friends! Welcome to the new blog. To those of you who have been following me through the lack of posts on my old blog, thanks for being patient. Now that wedding planning is over, I think (and hope) that I will have a lot more time for blogging. It really is therapeutic!  My prayer for this blog is that is not only a refresher for me but that it is a blessing to those who read it.

First and foremost, in case you don't already know and can't tell from my new blog, I am newly married! CUH-RAZY! Y'all, I can't even believe it myself. The wedding was a beautiful day filled with lots of friends and family who made it absolutely perfect. We honestly couldn't have asked for a more wonderful day. If you want to see pictures click here! For our honeymoon we traveled to Riviera Maya, Mexico which is about 20 minutes south of Cancun. It was gorgeous and we had the BEST time. Besides the fact that we got to celebrate the gift of marriage, we both desperately needed a week long vacation. It was such a restful time for both of us. Look below for some pics of our trip. 

So lots of people think I am crazy for getting married at such a young age. Trust me, I sometimes think it's crazy too. But there's no denying that this is what God has called me to at this point in my life. Some of you may know my background and some of you may not but for time's sake, let's just say that I didn't have the greatest view of marriage growing up. It was not something I idolized or fantasized about as most young girls do. So when I met Seth and we started talking about our future and marriage and I felt at peace about it, I knew it had to be God. He's the only one who could (and still can!) make my fears and anxieties about marriage disappear. I can't explain it any other way. 

This road that Seth and I have set out upon will not be easy. In and of ourselves, we are selfish and uncompromising. But with God as our foundation and center, we will have unending joy and love through all of life's trials. And that is our hope and prayer; that we keep Christ as the center and never forget how he has worked in our lives. 

With all my love.

broken heart.

This semester has been chaotic to say the least. Lots of things have been going on in my life and I think there are too many to even tell you about.

But this week has changed so many aspects of my life. First, I saw a documentary called America the Beautiful 2. It was all about our culture's obsession with being "thin" and dieting and all that. It really got me thinking about my health and what motivates me to be healthy. Next, leadership interviews happened at the BCM. I didn't apply but again, God used an event to make me question some things about myself and my relationship with him. A few other things happened yesterday that I can't talk about yet. Then today, a guy at Murray State committed suicide ON OUR CAMPUS. I can't even wrap my head around it. Hours have passed and I'm still in shock. One thing remains, God is good. People are uniting to pray for him and those closest to him. Even in a difficult situation, God is glorified. Even though He hates this situation and DID NOT CAUSE IT, He has purpose in it. I pray that our campus and community cling to him during this tragic event.

 More updates will come soon, hopefully. I just had some free time and wanted to share things that are going on in my life. Maybe for spring break, I'll try to blog every day. We'll see. Love you guys.

can i just be a real?

It's been a rough couple of weeks to say the least. I have been burnt out and exhausted. Between school and looking for a job and trying to make ends meet, I have just been flat-out tired. I think for a while, I hit a small form of depression. It felt like everything in my tiny world was going wrong. People I care about were getting mad at me, I barely scraped by to pay rent, and I just couldn't find a job. But I was putting on my "Christian" face and acting like everything was okay. I didn't want to admit I was struggling. Finally, God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Why are you so mad at me?" I guess I wasn't being honest with myself or with God because the truth is, I was angry. I was mad that my prayers weren't being answered and that I couldn't get things I wanted at the grocery store. I was mad that people were blowing things I said way out of proportion. I was mad that people didn't seem to understand or care about what I was going through. But I wasn't telling God any of these things. I was trying to put on my brave face and act like I was okay. But I needed help. Not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually. I needed hope and joy and I wasn't honest enough with myself or with God to tell him what was going on.

I just finished reading this book called Kisses from Katie. It is one of the most convicting and inspiring books I've ever read. This girl, who is around my age, gave EVERYTHING to move to Africa and share God's love. Here I am, complaining about not having enough money for rent or groceries when these kids in Uganda don't have enough to even survive. The crazy part is, that wasn't what got my attention. No. It was the fact that they were praising God for school and clothes to wear and medicine. These people had far more joy than I've ever known. And they are physically POOR. But spiritually, oh my goodness, they are RICH. It hit me that I wasn't lacking joy because I was lacking financially. I was lacking joy because I wasn't letting God satisfy me. I felt entitled to my rent and to my groceries. I'm not. I felt entitled to friends and happiness. I'm not. You know God actually promises us that things won't be easy? "In this world you will have trouble" Reassuring right? Well it is because after that he says, "But take heart! I have overcome the world." 


God is with us. He is always by our side. Even when we don't see him there. I am blessed beyond comprehension. I have family and friends who love me. I have a roof over my head. I have food to fill my stomach. I have the opportunity for an education. I can go to church every Sunday without the fear of being put in jail or even killed. My joy doesn't come from my circumstances. My joy comes from the hope I have in the Lord. God is faithful to His promises. So I will rejoice. 


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:12-14

Short but sweet (like me!)

Today I'm extremely thankful for God's word. I'm thankful that I'm not at the mercy of another man's opinion or teaching but I am able to study the Word for myself. I feel like our generation of believers (generally speaking) believes what another person tells them and does not study for themselves. This is terrifying to me. We can seriously never solely trust anybody's word except for God. Even scripturally-sound, Godly people in your life can't be taken at the word. EVERYTHING you hear needs to be ran through the full counsel of God. This may sound like a lot of work and IT IS. But it is so satisfying. God's word is TRUTH. No other man's opinion or teaching can replace or contradict it. If you are confused about something, READ SCRIPTURE. Not just read, but STUDY. God has really been teaching me this lately and I am SO thankful.

family

As you all may have noticed, I'm not the best at keeping up with this blog. And this week has been especially crazy. I've had so many things due and had to teach on top of it. No worries, it's the weekend and I now have some time to blog (:

Before I get to what I'm thankful for, let me share some exciting things that happened this week...
First, I had an interview for a job! Finally. Prayers are welcome in that area. Also, I may be getting a babysitting job, which would be SO fun! I absolutely love babysitting. I had my last day teaching at one of the schools but my lesson went really well. Then, for my kindergarten class, my little spanish speaking friend finally talked to me in English! Yay. Just wanted to share the good news with blog world (:

Today, I am extremely thankful for my family. Yesterday, a friend of mine lost her mother in a tragic accident. She also lost her father around the holidays last year. I cannot imagine losing either of my parents. My heart literally breaks for her but I know God is going to wrap her in his arms and give her the strength she needs to get through this. The situation has reminded me of just how much my mom means to me. I think God uses these awful situations to open our eyes to the things we take advantage of. I definitely take advantage of my mom and all of the things she does for me. So mom, if you're reading this, I love you and you mean the world to me. Thank you for raising me in love and thank you for being my friend. I don't know what I would do without you. And no matter what our relationship may be, I pray you always know that you have a special place in my heart. Here's a picture of us from a few years ago:

Mush.

Forewarning: This is going to be a mushy, gushy post. SO for those of you out there who don't like love or relationships or anything of the sort, you probably don't want to read this. (I really hope you do it anyways though!)

Today, I am thankful for LOVE. I'm not talking about the kind you see on T.V. or middle school "puppy love" or even "The Notebook" kind of love. I'm talking about sacrificial, selfless, unending, unconditional love. The kind that you can only feel and truly cherish when you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Some of you may think you can have that love without Jesus, but I'm here to tell you, from first-hand experience, it's impossible without Him. You can't even understand the definition of love until you understand who God is and what he has done for you. Sending his one, true son to die on a horrible death on a cross in order for us to have a shot at a relationship with Him... THAT'S love. 

You have to start there to understand what love is and you have to be content and fulfilled by that love in order to love another person. Trust me, I learned that the hard way. I tried everything I could to find love. You know that song that says, "Looking for love in all the wrong places"? Well, that was me. And I bet, if you were real honest with yourself, you could say you've been there too. I looked for love in friends, in boys, in "activities", in parties...you name it, I probably tried to find "love" in it. You see, the problem was that I didn't know what love really was. So when I felt those tingly feelings and "happiness", I'd think I found what I was looking for and then get crushed when it fell apart. But remember the definition of love I said at the beginning of the post? Love is UNENDING. 

So fast forward a few years, I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. I finally discovered what love really was! I thought, now, surely I can "fall in love" with someone since I know what it is. The problem was that I wasn't content and fulfilled by God's love. I hadn't let it overwhelm me. It wasn't until I relished in God's love for me and became content in who he made me to be that I found love. People say that you'll find love when you're not looking for it...and I hate to say it but they're right. 

I have found the man of my dreams. The most incredible, kind, loving, generous, Godly man I could ever ask for. But, he doesn't fulfill me. And he doesn't try to. We both know that only God can do that. When we seek our fulfillment in each other, we fall apart. Our love isn't the glue that holds us together, God's love is. 

So today, I am thankful for God's love. I am thankful that it has led me to the man he created for me to be with. But most of all, I am thankful that God's love is the only love that could ever fulfill me and restore me back to life. 

1 John 4: 9-10, 16, 19
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loves us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. We love because he first loved us.