can i just be a real?

It's been a rough couple of weeks to say the least. I have been burnt out and exhausted. Between school and looking for a job and trying to make ends meet, I have just been flat-out tired. I think for a while, I hit a small form of depression. It felt like everything in my tiny world was going wrong. People I care about were getting mad at me, I barely scraped by to pay rent, and I just couldn't find a job. But I was putting on my "Christian" face and acting like everything was okay. I didn't want to admit I was struggling. Finally, God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Why are you so mad at me?" I guess I wasn't being honest with myself or with God because the truth is, I was angry. I was mad that my prayers weren't being answered and that I couldn't get things I wanted at the grocery store. I was mad that people were blowing things I said way out of proportion. I was mad that people didn't seem to understand or care about what I was going through. But I wasn't telling God any of these things. I was trying to put on my brave face and act like I was okay. But I needed help. Not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually. I needed hope and joy and I wasn't honest enough with myself or with God to tell him what was going on.

I just finished reading this book called Kisses from Katie. It is one of the most convicting and inspiring books I've ever read. This girl, who is around my age, gave EVERYTHING to move to Africa and share God's love. Here I am, complaining about not having enough money for rent or groceries when these kids in Uganda don't have enough to even survive. The crazy part is, that wasn't what got my attention. No. It was the fact that they were praising God for school and clothes to wear and medicine. These people had far more joy than I've ever known. And they are physically POOR. But spiritually, oh my goodness, they are RICH. It hit me that I wasn't lacking joy because I was lacking financially. I was lacking joy because I wasn't letting God satisfy me. I felt entitled to my rent and to my groceries. I'm not. I felt entitled to friends and happiness. I'm not. You know God actually promises us that things won't be easy? "In this world you will have trouble" Reassuring right? Well it is because after that he says, "But take heart! I have overcome the world." 


God is with us. He is always by our side. Even when we don't see him there. I am blessed beyond comprehension. I have family and friends who love me. I have a roof over my head. I have food to fill my stomach. I have the opportunity for an education. I can go to church every Sunday without the fear of being put in jail or even killed. My joy doesn't come from my circumstances. My joy comes from the hope I have in the Lord. God is faithful to His promises. So I will rejoice. 


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:12-14

Short but sweet (like me!)

Today I'm extremely thankful for God's word. I'm thankful that I'm not at the mercy of another man's opinion or teaching but I am able to study the Word for myself. I feel like our generation of believers (generally speaking) believes what another person tells them and does not study for themselves. This is terrifying to me. We can seriously never solely trust anybody's word except for God. Even scripturally-sound, Godly people in your life can't be taken at the word. EVERYTHING you hear needs to be ran through the full counsel of God. This may sound like a lot of work and IT IS. But it is so satisfying. God's word is TRUTH. No other man's opinion or teaching can replace or contradict it. If you are confused about something, READ SCRIPTURE. Not just read, but STUDY. God has really been teaching me this lately and I am SO thankful.

family

As you all may have noticed, I'm not the best at keeping up with this blog. And this week has been especially crazy. I've had so many things due and had to teach on top of it. No worries, it's the weekend and I now have some time to blog (:

Before I get to what I'm thankful for, let me share some exciting things that happened this week...
First, I had an interview for a job! Finally. Prayers are welcome in that area. Also, I may be getting a babysitting job, which would be SO fun! I absolutely love babysitting. I had my last day teaching at one of the schools but my lesson went really well. Then, for my kindergarten class, my little spanish speaking friend finally talked to me in English! Yay. Just wanted to share the good news with blog world (:

Today, I am extremely thankful for my family. Yesterday, a friend of mine lost her mother in a tragic accident. She also lost her father around the holidays last year. I cannot imagine losing either of my parents. My heart literally breaks for her but I know God is going to wrap her in his arms and give her the strength she needs to get through this. The situation has reminded me of just how much my mom means to me. I think God uses these awful situations to open our eyes to the things we take advantage of. I definitely take advantage of my mom and all of the things she does for me. So mom, if you're reading this, I love you and you mean the world to me. Thank you for raising me in love and thank you for being my friend. I don't know what I would do without you. And no matter what our relationship may be, I pray you always know that you have a special place in my heart. Here's a picture of us from a few years ago:

Mush.

Forewarning: This is going to be a mushy, gushy post. SO for those of you out there who don't like love or relationships or anything of the sort, you probably don't want to read this. (I really hope you do it anyways though!)

Today, I am thankful for LOVE. I'm not talking about the kind you see on T.V. or middle school "puppy love" or even "The Notebook" kind of love. I'm talking about sacrificial, selfless, unending, unconditional love. The kind that you can only feel and truly cherish when you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Some of you may think you can have that love without Jesus, but I'm here to tell you, from first-hand experience, it's impossible without Him. You can't even understand the definition of love until you understand who God is and what he has done for you. Sending his one, true son to die on a horrible death on a cross in order for us to have a shot at a relationship with Him... THAT'S love. 

You have to start there to understand what love is and you have to be content and fulfilled by that love in order to love another person. Trust me, I learned that the hard way. I tried everything I could to find love. You know that song that says, "Looking for love in all the wrong places"? Well, that was me. And I bet, if you were real honest with yourself, you could say you've been there too. I looked for love in friends, in boys, in "activities", in parties...you name it, I probably tried to find "love" in it. You see, the problem was that I didn't know what love really was. So when I felt those tingly feelings and "happiness", I'd think I found what I was looking for and then get crushed when it fell apart. But remember the definition of love I said at the beginning of the post? Love is UNENDING. 

So fast forward a few years, I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. I finally discovered what love really was! I thought, now, surely I can "fall in love" with someone since I know what it is. The problem was that I wasn't content and fulfilled by God's love. I hadn't let it overwhelm me. It wasn't until I relished in God's love for me and became content in who he made me to be that I found love. People say that you'll find love when you're not looking for it...and I hate to say it but they're right. 

I have found the man of my dreams. The most incredible, kind, loving, generous, Godly man I could ever ask for. But, he doesn't fulfill me. And he doesn't try to. We both know that only God can do that. When we seek our fulfillment in each other, we fall apart. Our love isn't the glue that holds us together, God's love is. 

So today, I am thankful for God's love. I am thankful that it has led me to the man he created for me to be with. But most of all, I am thankful that God's love is the only love that could ever fulfill me and restore me back to life. 

1 John 4: 9-10, 16, 19
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loves us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. We love because he first loved us. 

teaching

Today's post is going to seem really strange to some of you. But today, I am thankful for my major and future career. You see, I'm an elementary education major. And at this point in my education, I have the awesome opportunity of observing teachers and also, getting to teach some kiddos myself.

Currently, I am in two classes where I get to do this. One is Intro to Kindergarten (I know it seems silly) and the other is my reading block (3 classes devoted to teaching reading and language arts). Kindergarten is not my strong suit. I love kids at that age but I don't think I could handle teaching them. Reading block on the other hand, has been AWESOME. I've been able to see a wide variety of students from 1-5 grade and observe some amazing teachers. So far, I've only been working one on one with struggling students but in the next few weeks, I get to teach a lesson to some first graders! How amazing is that!

So, I am thankful for my major because it allows me ample opportunities to experience a tiny amount of what teaching will be like and also, because it means I don't have to sit in a classroom listening to a lecture for hours. This week, I only spent 9 hours in the classroom as opposed to the usual 25! Crazy awesome.

Also, being with students brings me so much joy. I actually enjoy going out to schools and observing because it means I get to spend time with kiddos. So even though I probably sound like a crazy person, I am thankful for my future career and I absolutely cannot wait to start it in a few years. I am so thankful that God has shown me where he wants me and has brought me to something I will truly love doing for the rest of my life.

i'm trying

Blogging is time consuming. It's rare that I get the chance to sit down and write out my thoughts/feelings. I say that to say, I'm trying. I know I skipped yesterday but every other day is a HUGE improvement from this past year. Today, I am thankful for friendship. I don't mean acquaintances or people you enjoy spending time with. I'm talking about the kind of friendships where you can call them up, or run into them, any day of the week and just share life's ups and downs with. The kind of friendships where it doesn't matter how often you talk or see each other, you know those people will be there for you no matter what you need. I'm thankful for the friends that really, truly understand me deep in my core.

Now, all of this might sound cheesy or cliche, but these friendships have meant so much to me over the past few years and I am so grateful that God has put them in my life.

For example, a couple weeks ago, a dear friend of mine called me up out of the blue and we talked for almost two hours about life. We hadn't really talked in months but the conversation felt like we had never left each other's side. We shared about what the Lord is doing in our lives and what we're struggling with. We shared things that were on our heart that we hadn't even realized. Those are the kind of friendships that I am thankful for.

I truly treasure those friendships and I hope and pray that my friends know how much they mean to me and how much I sincerely appreciate them. God works so much through those relationships in my life and I would be so lost without them.

To my friends reading this, THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me and being there no matter what is going on. Thank you for the joy you bring me. You are loved more than I can say.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. Phillipians 1:3-4

a month of THANKSgiving

Basically, I've been a huge slacker when it comes to blogging. I think I just get so far behind that when I have time to catch up, there's way too much to say. No need to worry though, I'm officially back to blog world. Some updates since I last posted on blogger, I'M ENGAGED. Certainly, most of you knew that already though. Life is changing in HUGE ways and it's absolutely thrilling. (Even more so, it's terrifying.) I'm about to be all growed-up.   It's unreal to me. Never in a million years did I think I would be getting married at the age of 21. Yet here I am. God has been unbelievably good to me. To bring me out of a series of crappy situations to the point I'm at now, is just overwhelming. By no means am I saying life is perfect, it's simply joyous. I am nervous about embarking on this new journey, but I am confident it's where God is calling me. I am confident that he will be there beside me. I am confident that, although my past may tell me otherwise, marriage is a healthy, beautiful thing created to bring glory to the Lord. 

Enough of my ramblings though...I'll get to the point of this post.

A friend of a friend has inspired me. She is going to try to post everyday this month about something she is grateful for. So I thought, what a great idea! And I'm going to do that too. A wise friend once told me that Satan can't dwell in a heart or mind of gratitude. So starting this month, I'm going to declare an attitude of gratitude. I'm going to see the beauty of God's creation through his eyes and I'm going to praise him for who he is and what he has done/is doing. 

Today's post is probably the most difficult because I've been thankful for a lot recently. I'm going to try my hardest to pick one, though. Even though it's a big topic, I think this is one thing I am most thankful for recently. 

Grace - Lately God has really been emphasizing that I no longer live under law. Considering, I am a perfectionist, this is a huge relief. My fleshly nature is to do everything right to earn God's approval and love. This, of course, is not who God created me to be. He has been showing me how he loves me no matter what I do. Even if things aren't perfect, I am still his beloved daughter and he values me. I don't have to earn his love, he lavishes it upon me daily. Wow. This is not a new concept for me but when I really wrap my head around it, it leaves me speechless. (If you have questions about this or simply want to talk more about it, please message me.)

I hope you'll join me, even if it's not in blogging, to thank God for the many blessings that he freely gives us every day. Look for them and you'll be sure to find them. 

Here are some words of encouragement:

-Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:19b-20

-And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

-Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18