So, needless to say, I am not the greatest at keeping up with this blog. Life gets busy and sometimes, I don't know what to say or how to say it. I'll try to get better but I can't make any promises.
Do you ever just feel like you're not yourself and you have no idea why? That's where I've been for the past year. I haven't wanted to admit it, but I've honestly been depressed. That seems crazy considering being engaged and getting married is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. (Disclaimer: Please don't misunderstand me here. I am so incredibly happy. I have the world's best husband and I DO NOT regret getting married.) I just was lacking joy and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I tried getting into the Word more and surrounding myself with community. It would temporarily get me out of the rut but it wasn't long until I was back in there.
Last weekend, the Lord really opened my eyes. We had a retreat with the BCM and God finally showed me the issue. I've been going through the motions. I haven't been finding my joy in Christ. This seems like it would be an obvious issue but it's so easy to trick yourself into thinking you're okay. After realizing the problem I've had for the past year, I still had no idea what to do about it. Why couldn't I find my joy in the one who saved me and showed me what true joy was? Why was I going through the motions still?
The problem with living in the "Belt Buckle" of the "Bible Belt" is that everyone thinks that they are expected to be perfect Christians. Because of this, we put on a front. We act like everything is okay and that we aren't struggling with anything. This then turns into a vicious cycle. Because we don't want to admit we're dealing with some hard things, we don't ask other people how they're doing. So then, all of us are going around acting like we're okay and happy when we're struggling and not happy at all. This is a HUGE problem. This isn't how we were meant to live. We're supposed to share one another's burdens. We're supposed to ask for prayer when we're going through a rough time. We're supposed to have community to keep us accountable with the things we struggle with. And this isn't just for our own benefit. This is so when we find our joy in Christ, we keep finding it and our cup can overflow onto others. So others will see our joy and ask us where it comes from. When we don't get the first thing right, Christ can't be seen through us properly. THAT'S a BIG problem.
I really encourage you guys, if you're struggling with something. Don't be afraid to admit it. God knows how to help you with what you're going through and a lot of times he uses other people in your life to do that. That's what he's done in my life. Don't get stuck in the rut. If you're there, get out. As quick as you can. Don't let the devil get even a toe-hold in your life. Be honest with yourself. Most importantly, be honest with God. And please don't stop your cup from overflowing.
With His Love. For His Glory.
