It's been a rough couple of weeks to say the least. I have been burnt out and exhausted. Between school and looking for a job and trying to make ends meet, I have just been flat-out tired. I think for a while, I hit a small form of depression. It felt like everything in my tiny world was going wrong. People I care about were getting mad at me, I barely scraped by to pay rent, and I just couldn't find a job. But I was putting on my "Christian" face and acting like everything was okay. I didn't want to admit I was struggling. Finally, God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Why are you so mad at me?" I guess I wasn't being honest with myself or with God because the truth is, I was angry. I was mad that my prayers weren't being answered and that I couldn't get things I wanted at the grocery store. I was mad that people were blowing things I said way out of proportion. I was mad that people didn't seem to understand or care about what I was going through. But I wasn't telling God any of these things. I was trying to put on my brave face and act like I was okay. But I needed help. Not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually. I needed hope and joy and I wasn't honest enough with myself or with God to tell him what was going on.
I just finished reading this book called Kisses from Katie. It is one of the most convicting and inspiring books I've ever read. This girl, who is around my age, gave EVERYTHING to move to Africa and share God's love. Here I am, complaining about not having enough money for rent or groceries when these kids in Uganda don't have enough to even survive. The crazy part is, that wasn't what got my attention. No. It was the fact that they were praising God for school and clothes to wear and medicine. These people had far more joy than I've ever known. And they are physically POOR. But spiritually, oh my goodness, they are RICH. It hit me that I wasn't lacking joy because I was lacking financially. I was lacking joy because I wasn't letting God satisfy me. I felt entitled to my rent and to my groceries. I'm not. I felt entitled to friends and happiness. I'm not. You know God actually promises us that things won't be easy? "In this world you will have trouble" Reassuring right? Well it is because after that he says, "But take heart! I have overcome the world."
God is with us. He is always by our side. Even when we don't see him there. I am blessed beyond comprehension. I have family and friends who love me. I have a roof over my head. I have food to fill my stomach. I have the opportunity for an education. I can go to church every Sunday without the fear of being put in jail or even killed. My joy doesn't come from my circumstances. My joy comes from the hope I have in the Lord. God is faithful to His promises. So I will rejoice.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:12-14
