something has changed within me.

i just needed to vent a little bit. so to start, i am having such a wonderful time in college. i have become super close with two great groups of people and feel really at home when i'm here. one group keeps me on my toes and keeps my faith strong. they always lead me closer to christ and i couldn't be more grateful for that. the other group is curious and growing and just really fun to be around. but i also still feel really tied to people at home and i feel like my closest friends have sort of detached themselves from me. i understand things get crazy sometimes and we are all really busy but i wish they could make time for me. just because i'm far away doesn't mean i don't need/want them in my life anymore, especially people who have been such a huge part of my life for the past year. even my "good" friends have become closer to me than my "best" friends since i've moved to murray and i just don't understand that.

onto a different subject...

i just cant let go of this one thing and it drives me crazy. i know everything happened for a good reason and neither of us were in a good place at the current time. we were in no way fit to be in a relationship together when we were both struggling with christ. but there are so many things i didnt get to say before it ended. ive tried being friends with this person but they say its "awkward". i dont understand that what so ever. were we not friends prior to dating??? apparently not good enough friends to continue the friendship. i made a lot of mistakes in that relationship by being pushy and probably a little over-bearing at times but my intentions were good. my eyes have been opened to a lot of things that went wrong but i still miss him despite those things. i just want to talk things out and see how he's doing. but i guess if its right, it will happen. i hate that i have to make a conscious effort NOT to think about him. ugh.

in good news, God is doing great things here in murray and i am so grateful for the friends i have made. thanksgiving is in three days and i will be home tomorrow. it is going to be a great weeks. some quality time at home is much needed.

love always.