Wednesday, September 30, 2009

college!

at this exact moment in my life, i feel extremely blessed.
i just feel so surrounded by Christ
and he has been providing me with the greatest community.
i recently started going to campus outreach
and that has been such an awesome thing.
i've been meeting so many people who are alive in Christ
and truly living their lives for him.
also, i started a small group a couple weeks ago
and God has put some wonderful girls together
to learn about him and grow with each other.
the book we are reading through really just
meets you where you are and has been so helpful
and uplifting.
this week, we talked about prayer and our "quiet time"
with Jesus; what it looks like and how to improve it.
i am truly learning so much about my heart
and who i am in Christ.
he never ceases to blow my mind.
last weekend, i got a new roommate!
she is one of the most beautiful people i have ever met.
she is energetic, funny, and will always tell you what's on her mind.
i have come to appreciate these types of people.
it is much easier to solve a problem when you know what it is.
this week, i have felt more at ease and more myself
than the past month and a half combined.
i cannot wait to see what God has in store for our friendship!
this is the verse i have been reflecting on for the past week
and gaining encourage from. i hope it speaks to your heart (:

Psalm 37:1-11

Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong
for like grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their wicked ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret - it only leads to evil.
For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

A little while and wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

you should've seen that sunrise.

people weren't kidding when they said
college is a huge transistion.
they ease you into it
but after the first month,
they slam you with everything.
its hard trying to make friends
and fit in
and find yourself
and study all at the same time.
don't get me wrong,
i'm having a blast.
but its HARD.
i miss my family, my best friends,
younglife, southland
all the things that were such a huge part of my life.

one huge thing that is bothering me...
i have no accountability here.
no one to talk to about what im struggling with.
hardly anyone to discuss Christ with.
its so hard to find solid community.
i thought that i could develop that with my roommate
but boy was i wrong.
we dont even talk half of the time
let alone have deep convos
i dont want to spend my year
walking on eggshells
in my own room!
the situation just really sucks right now
and i dont know how to make it better...

okay time for some good news...
i see great potential for this year
and my relationship with Christ.
i'm learning to rely on Him fully
and be intentional about everything i say and do.
i have to focus on being Christ-like
in every aspect of my life.
even if that means being looked down upon.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galations 1:10


Monday, September 7, 2009

wow.

it amazes me how much God speaks to you when you allow yourself to sit in the silence.
there has been one thing that has continuously bothered me while i've been at college
and i have been in constant prayer about it for a long time now...just praying for it to be clear.
i believe last night was my answer to everything.
i layed my heart and all of my emotions out on the table and nothing came from it.
i feel as though i was having a conversation with myself with no response back.
maybe i wasn't really listening, or maybe i was phrasing things in the wrong way,
either way i don't feel as though they are grounds for not opening up and conversing.
i spent a thirty minute drive in complete silence. do you really have nothing to say to me!?
on top of that, i was at the same house for a few hours and did he try to talk or hang out at all...
OF COURSE NOT THAT WOULD BE CRAZY!
it was such an awkward situation and i was so frustrated at the end of the night.
especially since it was my last night in lexington for awhile...
but i broke down on the way home and just allowed myself to really listen to God speak.
he told me exactly what i knew all along and set me at peace with this answer.
dont get me wrong, i'm very upset still and i care about this person very much.
but i know when it comes down to it, this is not benefiting my relationship with Christ
and it is not his plan for me at the current time.
so although i am not thrilled by what has happened,
i know that Christ has my best interests at heart and where he leads i will follow.

LORD, I WILL GO WHERE YOU CALL ME AND NOT MAKE A PATH OF MY OWN.
KEEP MY HEART SET ON YOU AND NOT ON THINGS OF THIS WORLD.

Oh, tragedy
Has taken so many
Love lost cause they all
Forgot who You were
And it scares me to think
That I would choose
My life over You
Oh, my selfish heart
Divides me from You
It tears us apart
So tell me

What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Oh, why do I
Let myself let go
Of Hands that painted the stars
And holds tears that fall?
And the pride of my heart
Makes me forget
It's not me but You
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You
And dying from me
So tell me

What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Will my life
Find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by Your side?
'Cause Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

-BARLOWGIRL: BEAUTIFUL ENDING