So I told blog world that I was going to get better at blogging and do it more often and I promise I'm trying! Sometimes I just feel like I have so much to say that I think it would only come out in a huge jumbled mess. But, when I think about it, that's how I feel on a day to day basis. The fact of the matter is, God is working through me. When I show his glory, when I speak truth, it is not by my own power or wisdom but by the Holy Spirit working inside of me. So when I remember that, I feel empowered and encouraged to write/blog/speak (even though that may seem silly that the Holy Spirit empowers me to blog).
Currently, I am reading a book called When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Let me just say, it is wonderful. I've only gotten to the fifth chapter but my eyes have already been opened to so much. So far, the book has been about how we hold things back from Christ, namely our love life. People tend to think that either a) God doesn't care about little things like dating or our relationships or b) God will ruin our relationships if we hand them over to him. But friends, I can say with complete certainty that neither of these things are true in the least.
Since I began my walk with Christ, I have learned how seen how much he pursues me, daily, and through that I've learned how much he loves me. He doesn't want us to just pray about other people or pray about how we need to be molded into a better person for his glory, while those things ARE important, God longs to hear the deepest secrets of our hearts. He wants us to share with him everything we are struggling with, everything that has ever hurt us, everything that makes us who we are. God wants to know us intimately! How incredible is that?! But with that being said, he loves us so much that he wants to know every little thought we have and everything that's in our hearts; this includes relationships!
Once I handed my life over to Christ, many things changed for me. Some I saw as negative things and others I saw as positive. Of course, everything that changed worked out for my own good, and I see that now. Anyways, a huge thing that changed was relationships/friendships. I had a huge group of friends in high school and when I accepted Christ, things changed with them. Not because I backed away, but because I began to see that those weren't true friendships and God had better things planned for me. Also, I ended a relationship because I heard God telling me that it wasn't going to push me in my faith or help me in the long run. Although I felt like everything was falling apart, God quickly surrounded me with people who love him and who would encourage me. He gave me community and accountability and the best friends I've ever known. Friends, none of this would have ever happened unless I handed things over to God.
For me, it is a daily struggle. I like having control of my life because I feel like I won't get hurt if I hold on to things tightly. The fact of the matter is, God satisfies our deep desires and he knows what is best for us. When we surrender to him, things turn out 100x better than they would have if we tried to do it on our own. I tried controlling my life for 17 years and all it brought me was heartache and shame. But God has turned my heart breaking story into a romantic comedy (: So everyday, I will do my best to surrender everything to his glory. It's the least I can do after he has pursued me so diligently and turned my life around (:
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Matthew 16:24-25
I die every day. 1 Corinthians 15:31
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