awakening.

So, needless to say, I am not the greatest at keeping up with this blog. Life gets busy and sometimes, I don't know what to say or how to say it. I'll try to get better but I can't make any promises. 

Do you ever just feel like you're not yourself and you have no idea why? That's where I've been for the past year. I haven't wanted to admit it, but I've honestly been depressed. That seems crazy considering being engaged and getting married is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. (Disclaimer: Please don't misunderstand me here. I am so incredibly happy. I have the world's best husband and I DO NOT regret getting married.) I just was lacking joy and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I tried getting into the Word more and surrounding myself with community. It would temporarily get me out of the rut but it wasn't long until I was back in there. 

Last weekend, the Lord really opened my eyes. We had a retreat with the BCM and God finally showed me the issue. I've been going through the motions. I haven't been finding my joy in Christ. This seems like it would be an obvious issue but it's so easy to trick yourself into thinking you're okay. After realizing the problem I've had for the past year, I still had no idea what to do about it. Why couldn't I find my joy in the one who saved me and showed me what true joy was? Why was I going through the motions still? 

The problem with living in the "Belt Buckle" of the "Bible Belt" is that everyone thinks that they are expected to be perfect Christians. Because of this, we put on a front. We act like everything is okay and that we aren't struggling with anything. This then turns into a vicious cycle. Because we don't want to admit we're dealing with some hard things, we don't ask other people how they're doing. So then, all of us are going around acting like we're okay and happy when we're struggling and not happy at all. This is a HUGE problem. This isn't how we were meant to live. We're supposed to share one another's burdens. We're supposed to ask for prayer when we're going through a rough time. We're supposed to have community to keep us accountable with the things we struggle with. And this isn't just for our own benefit. This is so when we find our joy in Christ, we keep finding it and our cup can overflow onto others. So others will see our joy and ask us where it comes from. When we don't get the first thing right, Christ can't be seen through us properly. THAT'S a BIG problem. 

I really encourage you guys, if you're struggling with something. Don't be afraid to admit it. God knows how to help you with what you're going through and a lot of times he uses other people in your life to do that. That's what he's done in my life. Don't get stuck in the rut. If you're there, get out. As quick as you can. Don't let the devil get even a toe-hold in your life. Be honest with yourself. Most importantly, be honest with God. And please don't stop your cup from overflowing. 

With His Love. For His Glory. 

It's about time.

Hey friends! Welcome to the new blog. To those of you who have been following me through the lack of posts on my old blog, thanks for being patient. Now that wedding planning is over, I think (and hope) that I will have a lot more time for blogging. It really is therapeutic!  My prayer for this blog is that is not only a refresher for me but that it is a blessing to those who read it.

First and foremost, in case you don't already know and can't tell from my new blog, I am newly married! CUH-RAZY! Y'all, I can't even believe it myself. The wedding was a beautiful day filled with lots of friends and family who made it absolutely perfect. We honestly couldn't have asked for a more wonderful day. If you want to see pictures click here! For our honeymoon we traveled to Riviera Maya, Mexico which is about 20 minutes south of Cancun. It was gorgeous and we had the BEST time. Besides the fact that we got to celebrate the gift of marriage, we both desperately needed a week long vacation. It was such a restful time for both of us. Look below for some pics of our trip. 

So lots of people think I am crazy for getting married at such a young age. Trust me, I sometimes think it's crazy too. But there's no denying that this is what God has called me to at this point in my life. Some of you may know my background and some of you may not but for time's sake, let's just say that I didn't have the greatest view of marriage growing up. It was not something I idolized or fantasized about as most young girls do. So when I met Seth and we started talking about our future and marriage and I felt at peace about it, I knew it had to be God. He's the only one who could (and still can!) make my fears and anxieties about marriage disappear. I can't explain it any other way. 

This road that Seth and I have set out upon will not be easy. In and of ourselves, we are selfish and uncompromising. But with God as our foundation and center, we will have unending joy and love through all of life's trials. And that is our hope and prayer; that we keep Christ as the center and never forget how he has worked in our lives. 

With all my love.

broken heart.

This semester has been chaotic to say the least. Lots of things have been going on in my life and I think there are too many to even tell you about.

But this week has changed so many aspects of my life. First, I saw a documentary called America the Beautiful 2. It was all about our culture's obsession with being "thin" and dieting and all that. It really got me thinking about my health and what motivates me to be healthy. Next, leadership interviews happened at the BCM. I didn't apply but again, God used an event to make me question some things about myself and my relationship with him. A few other things happened yesterday that I can't talk about yet. Then today, a guy at Murray State committed suicide ON OUR CAMPUS. I can't even wrap my head around it. Hours have passed and I'm still in shock. One thing remains, God is good. People are uniting to pray for him and those closest to him. Even in a difficult situation, God is glorified. Even though He hates this situation and DID NOT CAUSE IT, He has purpose in it. I pray that our campus and community cling to him during this tragic event.

 More updates will come soon, hopefully. I just had some free time and wanted to share things that are going on in my life. Maybe for spring break, I'll try to blog every day. We'll see. Love you guys.

can i just be a real?

It's been a rough couple of weeks to say the least. I have been burnt out and exhausted. Between school and looking for a job and trying to make ends meet, I have just been flat-out tired. I think for a while, I hit a small form of depression. It felt like everything in my tiny world was going wrong. People I care about were getting mad at me, I barely scraped by to pay rent, and I just couldn't find a job. But I was putting on my "Christian" face and acting like everything was okay. I didn't want to admit I was struggling. Finally, God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Why are you so mad at me?" I guess I wasn't being honest with myself or with God because the truth is, I was angry. I was mad that my prayers weren't being answered and that I couldn't get things I wanted at the grocery store. I was mad that people were blowing things I said way out of proportion. I was mad that people didn't seem to understand or care about what I was going through. But I wasn't telling God any of these things. I was trying to put on my brave face and act like I was okay. But I needed help. Not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually. I needed hope and joy and I wasn't honest enough with myself or with God to tell him what was going on.

I just finished reading this book called Kisses from Katie. It is one of the most convicting and inspiring books I've ever read. This girl, who is around my age, gave EVERYTHING to move to Africa and share God's love. Here I am, complaining about not having enough money for rent or groceries when these kids in Uganda don't have enough to even survive. The crazy part is, that wasn't what got my attention. No. It was the fact that they were praising God for school and clothes to wear and medicine. These people had far more joy than I've ever known. And they are physically POOR. But spiritually, oh my goodness, they are RICH. It hit me that I wasn't lacking joy because I was lacking financially. I was lacking joy because I wasn't letting God satisfy me. I felt entitled to my rent and to my groceries. I'm not. I felt entitled to friends and happiness. I'm not. You know God actually promises us that things won't be easy? "In this world you will have trouble" Reassuring right? Well it is because after that he says, "But take heart! I have overcome the world." 


God is with us. He is always by our side. Even when we don't see him there. I am blessed beyond comprehension. I have family and friends who love me. I have a roof over my head. I have food to fill my stomach. I have the opportunity for an education. I can go to church every Sunday without the fear of being put in jail or even killed. My joy doesn't come from my circumstances. My joy comes from the hope I have in the Lord. God is faithful to His promises. So I will rejoice. 


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:12-14

Short but sweet (like me!)

Today I'm extremely thankful for God's word. I'm thankful that I'm not at the mercy of another man's opinion or teaching but I am able to study the Word for myself. I feel like our generation of believers (generally speaking) believes what another person tells them and does not study for themselves. This is terrifying to me. We can seriously never solely trust anybody's word except for God. Even scripturally-sound, Godly people in your life can't be taken at the word. EVERYTHING you hear needs to be ran through the full counsel of God. This may sound like a lot of work and IT IS. But it is so satisfying. God's word is TRUTH. No other man's opinion or teaching can replace or contradict it. If you are confused about something, READ SCRIPTURE. Not just read, but STUDY. God has really been teaching me this lately and I am SO thankful.

family

As you all may have noticed, I'm not the best at keeping up with this blog. And this week has been especially crazy. I've had so many things due and had to teach on top of it. No worries, it's the weekend and I now have some time to blog (:

Before I get to what I'm thankful for, let me share some exciting things that happened this week...
First, I had an interview for a job! Finally. Prayers are welcome in that area. Also, I may be getting a babysitting job, which would be SO fun! I absolutely love babysitting. I had my last day teaching at one of the schools but my lesson went really well. Then, for my kindergarten class, my little spanish speaking friend finally talked to me in English! Yay. Just wanted to share the good news with blog world (:

Today, I am extremely thankful for my family. Yesterday, a friend of mine lost her mother in a tragic accident. She also lost her father around the holidays last year. I cannot imagine losing either of my parents. My heart literally breaks for her but I know God is going to wrap her in his arms and give her the strength she needs to get through this. The situation has reminded me of just how much my mom means to me. I think God uses these awful situations to open our eyes to the things we take advantage of. I definitely take advantage of my mom and all of the things she does for me. So mom, if you're reading this, I love you and you mean the world to me. Thank you for raising me in love and thank you for being my friend. I don't know what I would do without you. And no matter what our relationship may be, I pray you always know that you have a special place in my heart. Here's a picture of us from a few years ago:

Mush.

Forewarning: This is going to be a mushy, gushy post. SO for those of you out there who don't like love or relationships or anything of the sort, you probably don't want to read this. (I really hope you do it anyways though!)

Today, I am thankful for LOVE. I'm not talking about the kind you see on T.V. or middle school "puppy love" or even "The Notebook" kind of love. I'm talking about sacrificial, selfless, unending, unconditional love. The kind that you can only feel and truly cherish when you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Some of you may think you can have that love without Jesus, but I'm here to tell you, from first-hand experience, it's impossible without Him. You can't even understand the definition of love until you understand who God is and what he has done for you. Sending his one, true son to die on a horrible death on a cross in order for us to have a shot at a relationship with Him... THAT'S love. 

You have to start there to understand what love is and you have to be content and fulfilled by that love in order to love another person. Trust me, I learned that the hard way. I tried everything I could to find love. You know that song that says, "Looking for love in all the wrong places"? Well, that was me. And I bet, if you were real honest with yourself, you could say you've been there too. I looked for love in friends, in boys, in "activities", in parties...you name it, I probably tried to find "love" in it. You see, the problem was that I didn't know what love really was. So when I felt those tingly feelings and "happiness", I'd think I found what I was looking for and then get crushed when it fell apart. But remember the definition of love I said at the beginning of the post? Love is UNENDING. 

So fast forward a few years, I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. I finally discovered what love really was! I thought, now, surely I can "fall in love" with someone since I know what it is. The problem was that I wasn't content and fulfilled by God's love. I hadn't let it overwhelm me. It wasn't until I relished in God's love for me and became content in who he made me to be that I found love. People say that you'll find love when you're not looking for it...and I hate to say it but they're right. 

I have found the man of my dreams. The most incredible, kind, loving, generous, Godly man I could ever ask for. But, he doesn't fulfill me. And he doesn't try to. We both know that only God can do that. When we seek our fulfillment in each other, we fall apart. Our love isn't the glue that holds us together, God's love is. 

So today, I am thankful for God's love. I am thankful that it has led me to the man he created for me to be with. But most of all, I am thankful that God's love is the only love that could ever fulfill me and restore me back to life. 

1 John 4: 9-10, 16, 19
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loves us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. We love because he first loved us. 

teaching

Today's post is going to seem really strange to some of you. But today, I am thankful for my major and future career. You see, I'm an elementary education major. And at this point in my education, I have the awesome opportunity of observing teachers and also, getting to teach some kiddos myself.

Currently, I am in two classes where I get to do this. One is Intro to Kindergarten (I know it seems silly) and the other is my reading block (3 classes devoted to teaching reading and language arts). Kindergarten is not my strong suit. I love kids at that age but I don't think I could handle teaching them. Reading block on the other hand, has been AWESOME. I've been able to see a wide variety of students from 1-5 grade and observe some amazing teachers. So far, I've only been working one on one with struggling students but in the next few weeks, I get to teach a lesson to some first graders! How amazing is that!

So, I am thankful for my major because it allows me ample opportunities to experience a tiny amount of what teaching will be like and also, because it means I don't have to sit in a classroom listening to a lecture for hours. This week, I only spent 9 hours in the classroom as opposed to the usual 25! Crazy awesome.

Also, being with students brings me so much joy. I actually enjoy going out to schools and observing because it means I get to spend time with kiddos. So even though I probably sound like a crazy person, I am thankful for my future career and I absolutely cannot wait to start it in a few years. I am so thankful that God has shown me where he wants me and has brought me to something I will truly love doing for the rest of my life.

i'm trying

Blogging is time consuming. It's rare that I get the chance to sit down and write out my thoughts/feelings. I say that to say, I'm trying. I know I skipped yesterday but every other day is a HUGE improvement from this past year. Today, I am thankful for friendship. I don't mean acquaintances or people you enjoy spending time with. I'm talking about the kind of friendships where you can call them up, or run into them, any day of the week and just share life's ups and downs with. The kind of friendships where it doesn't matter how often you talk or see each other, you know those people will be there for you no matter what you need. I'm thankful for the friends that really, truly understand me deep in my core.

Now, all of this might sound cheesy or cliche, but these friendships have meant so much to me over the past few years and I am so grateful that God has put them in my life.

For example, a couple weeks ago, a dear friend of mine called me up out of the blue and we talked for almost two hours about life. We hadn't really talked in months but the conversation felt like we had never left each other's side. We shared about what the Lord is doing in our lives and what we're struggling with. We shared things that were on our heart that we hadn't even realized. Those are the kind of friendships that I am thankful for.

I truly treasure those friendships and I hope and pray that my friends know how much they mean to me and how much I sincerely appreciate them. God works so much through those relationships in my life and I would be so lost without them.

To my friends reading this, THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me and being there no matter what is going on. Thank you for the joy you bring me. You are loved more than I can say.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. Phillipians 1:3-4

a month of THANKSgiving

Basically, I've been a huge slacker when it comes to blogging. I think I just get so far behind that when I have time to catch up, there's way too much to say. No need to worry though, I'm officially back to blog world. Some updates since I last posted on blogger, I'M ENGAGED. Certainly, most of you knew that already though. Life is changing in HUGE ways and it's absolutely thrilling. (Even more so, it's terrifying.) I'm about to be all growed-up.   It's unreal to me. Never in a million years did I think I would be getting married at the age of 21. Yet here I am. God has been unbelievably good to me. To bring me out of a series of crappy situations to the point I'm at now, is just overwhelming. By no means am I saying life is perfect, it's simply joyous. I am nervous about embarking on this new journey, but I am confident it's where God is calling me. I am confident that he will be there beside me. I am confident that, although my past may tell me otherwise, marriage is a healthy, beautiful thing created to bring glory to the Lord. 

Enough of my ramblings though...I'll get to the point of this post.

A friend of a friend has inspired me. She is going to try to post everyday this month about something she is grateful for. So I thought, what a great idea! And I'm going to do that too. A wise friend once told me that Satan can't dwell in a heart or mind of gratitude. So starting this month, I'm going to declare an attitude of gratitude. I'm going to see the beauty of God's creation through his eyes and I'm going to praise him for who he is and what he has done/is doing. 

Today's post is probably the most difficult because I've been thankful for a lot recently. I'm going to try my hardest to pick one, though. Even though it's a big topic, I think this is one thing I am most thankful for recently. 

Grace - Lately God has really been emphasizing that I no longer live under law. Considering, I am a perfectionist, this is a huge relief. My fleshly nature is to do everything right to earn God's approval and love. This, of course, is not who God created me to be. He has been showing me how he loves me no matter what I do. Even if things aren't perfect, I am still his beloved daughter and he values me. I don't have to earn his love, he lavishes it upon me daily. Wow. This is not a new concept for me but when I really wrap my head around it, it leaves me speechless. (If you have questions about this or simply want to talk more about it, please message me.)

I hope you'll join me, even if it's not in blogging, to thank God for the many blessings that he freely gives us every day. Look for them and you'll be sure to find them. 

Here are some words of encouragement:

-Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:19b-20

-And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

-Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

goodbye for now.

i'm taking a break from blogspot and switching over to tumblr. it seems to fit my style a little more. follow me over there http://rachola.tumblr.com/

it's been awhile...

Sorry I've been really terrible with keeping up with this blog. I have lots to be thankful for and I just don't know where to start or how to put it all into words. Hopefully, here soon I'll get a chance to share some of the wonderful things God is doing in my life. But until then, I'll just sit here in awe (: Have a blessed day friends!

holiday at the sea.

We are half hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us. Like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. C.S. Lewis 


This is by far one of my all time favorite quotes. This was something that God used in changing my heart and bringing me back to him and it always gives me a huge heart-check. When you think about it, every one of us is half-hearted. We don't truly believe that God can satisfy. We go on trying to write our own stories and we don't give God full control. God promises us that he will satisfy our every desire. He is the wellspring of life. (John 4:14) So why don't we take his word for it? Has he ever led us to believe that he will not fulfill his promises? No. Never. Yet, we continue to be satisfied by the mud pies. Even those of us who have experience the holiday at the sea...how often do we find ourselves returning to the slum? Christ freely gives us love everyday. FREELY. The only thing he requires is that we hand him the pen to our story and allow him to take control. When we do that, we are open to experience true joy and life the way it was meant for us. I don't know about you but a holiday at the sea sounds so much better than making mud pies. I don't want to control my own life. I am surrendering the pen of my life to God and allowing him to write a story much sweeter than the one I could write on my own. I don't want to be easily pleased by the things the world offers me. I'm going to hold heavenly standards and not settle for anything less because I've learned God's plans are better than my own (: He gives me a billion times more than I deserve because of his extravagant love for me. What else could I do but surrender to him and serve him with my entire life? 


Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."


2 Corinthians 5:14-15 For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died and was raised again. 


Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. 

random blog of lists.

Things I currently love

1. Jesus!
2. Worship music
3. Disney channel
4. Horses
5. Dresses & skirts
6. Writing letters
7. Friends who are always there for you
8. Random British music artists
9. Reading
10. Eating popsicles

Things I could live without

1. MTV
2. Being in Lexington for 3 months
3. Girls in skimpy outfits
4. 100 degree weather
5. Moving
6. Fake friends 
7. Radio music
8. Miley Cyrus & Christina Aguilera
9. Oil spills
10. Friends hurting

Things I miss

1. Murray
2. All of my friends in Murray
3. Murray
4. All of my friends in Murray
5. Murray
6. All of my friends in Murray
7. Murray
8. All of my friends in Murray
9. Murray
10. All of my friends in Murray

new obsession.

okay so i never ever write blogs about unimportant things like this but i feel the need to share what i have so luckily stumbled across. CLICK FOR FUN. the clothes on this website are precious. vintage and floral and best of all, modest. so so so cute. here are my favorites that are on my wishlist now (:

so i know that's a LOT of clothes but what can i say...they're too cute to pass up (: 

enjoy kiddos!

God is writing my love story.

So I told blog world that I was going to get better at blogging and do it more often and I promise I'm trying! Sometimes I just feel like I have so much to say that I think it would only come out in a huge jumbled mess. But, when I think about it, that's how I feel on a day to day basis. The fact of the matter is, God is working through me. When I show his glory, when I speak truth, it is not by my own power or wisdom but by the Holy Spirit working inside of me. So when I remember that, I feel empowered and encouraged to write/blog/speak (even though that may seem silly that the Holy Spirit empowers me to blog).


Currently, I am reading a book called When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Let me just say, it is wonderful. I've only gotten to the fifth chapter but my eyes have already been opened to so much. So far, the book has been about how we hold things back from Christ, namely our love life. People tend to think that either a) God doesn't care about little things like dating or our relationships or b) God will ruin our relationships if we hand them over to him. But friends, I can say with complete certainty that neither of these things are true in the least. 


Since I began my walk with Christ, I have learned how seen how much he pursues me, daily, and through that I've learned how much he loves me. He doesn't want us to just pray about other people or pray about how we need to be molded into a better person for his glory, while those things ARE important, God longs to hear the deepest secrets of our hearts. He wants us to share with him everything we are struggling with, everything that has ever hurt us, everything that makes us who we are. God wants to know us intimately! How incredible is that?! But with that being said, he loves us so much that he wants to know every little thought we have and everything that's in our hearts; this includes relationships! 


Once I handed my life over to Christ, many things changed for me. Some I saw as negative things and others I saw as positive. Of course, everything that changed worked out for my own good, and I see that now. Anyways, a huge thing that changed was relationships/friendships. I had a huge group of friends in high school and when I accepted Christ, things changed with them. Not because I backed away, but because I began to see that those weren't true friendships and God had better things planned for me. Also, I ended a relationship because I heard God telling me that it wasn't going to push me in my faith or help me in the long run. Although I felt like everything was falling apart, God quickly surrounded me with people who love him and who would encourage me. He gave me community and accountability and the best friends I've ever known. Friends, none of this would have ever happened unless I handed things over to God. 


For me, it is a daily struggle. I like having control of my life because I feel like I won't get hurt if I hold on to things tightly. The fact of the matter is, God satisfies our deep desires and he knows what is best for us. When we surrender to him, things turn out 100x better than they would have if we tried to do it on our own. I tried controlling my life for 17 years and all it brought me was heartache and shame. But God has turned my heart breaking story into a romantic comedy (: So everyday, I will do my best to surrender everything to his glory. It's the least I can do after he has pursued me so diligently and turned my life around (:


Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Matthew 16:24-25


I die every day. 1 Corinthians 15:31

recap of my first year of college.

This has honestly been the most interesting/terrifying/emotional/eye-opening/growing year of my life. I don't think I have truly felt so many things within the course of a year as I have during my first year of college. First semester...well, let's just say it was not as easy or fun as I had hoped it would be. Second semester, on the other hand, has probably been the best experience of my life. I have made the most incredible friends and built community and learned more about myself than I ever thought was even possible. The people God has placed in my life are honestly some of the greatest people I've ever known. People who you can laugh with, cry with, talk to about anything, and just have fun with no matter what you are doing are very rare to find. God has truly shown me so many things this year. My eyes have been opened to how much I depend on other people, instead of depending on him, and how I still struggle with finding my identity and contentment in him instead of other people or what the world tells us. Through these things he has shown me, I have grown closer to him and seen how much he truly loves me. It is so hard for me to even comprehend how God can love me(us) so much when I(we) wrong him and run away from him and turn to worship other things so often. I don't know if I will ever be able to wrap my head around his unfailing, unconditional, and everlasting love. It amazes me on a day by day basis! I am so sad to be leaving Murray for the summer. I never thought I could fall in love with this place as much as I have. It's going to be so hard leaving all of my friends and people that I've grown close to this year, even if it is only for 3 months. I am just in awe of the things God is doing in my life, even as we speak. I am so blessed by the wonderful people he has placed in my life and I cannot wait to see the things God is going to do in my life this summer and next year! 

i'm a blogging failure.

I've been meaning to blog some updates about my life but I honestly have not had any time. Summer starts in a week so hopefully you all haven't given up on me and I'll try to start blogging regularly again. 

P.S. Life is so good (:

sing sing sing.

First, and most importantly, God is so good. My heart is continuously changing and I am constantly growing into the person He is calling me to be. Not by anything that I am doing but by His grace and love for me. I am finding my place in Murray, KY. Over the past month and a half, God has blessed me with some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. He is building community all around me and providing opportunities for me to serve Him all the time. Something I have been praying for since I came to Murray is to be surrounded by believers and really get connected with people with are running hard after the Lord. Friends, He has been sooo faithful! It took me being patient, overcoming some fears and selfishness, and putting my whole heart into things but I have experienced first hand that our God is a God who provides! Since I first visited Murray I knew it was where I was supposed to be but for the first time, I truly FEEL it! I am truly amazed by how the Lord is changing my heart and building these awesome relationships around me. I am doing All Campus Sing with BCM (Baptist Campus Ministry) and I can't tell you the theme but I can tell you it is AMAZING. Eyes are going to be opened! I've also started doing a leadership study with BCM and God is really putting things in my face and laying it all out there. I'm seeing sin in my life that has been there for a long time that I didn't even realize and I'm starting to see where God wants me and who He wants me to be. I've started to really build solid friendships with people there and I can't wait to see how the Lord uses us! Last weekend, I went on Spring Retreat with Campus Outreach to Jackson, TN and it was seriously EXACTLY what I've been needing for so long. We had parties and worshiped and built relationships and learned more about God's character and serving Him. There are so many great people on this campus that are truly seeking after the Lord and it excites me so much. Since the retreat, I've gotten coffee and lunch with a few people and had some great discussions about our Maker. Community is springing up all around me and God is working in HUGE ways. AHHHH I am so pumped, friends. God is really laying some things on my heart, super heavily, and I know He has big plans for my life, I can just feel it! I want to make disciples of all nations and spread the love of Jesus all around! I am on fire for Christ right now and it's been far too long that I've been living the lukewarm life. I commit to giving Christ my everything and serving Him wholeheartedly. He created me, He loved me before I was even on this earth, He gave His blameless Son so I could live and be with Him. Ya'll, I will never understand this but I will give my life to know Him even a little better. I desire to follow Him with every ounce of me. All of my strength, all of my heart, all of my mind, and all of my soul for His glory, alone. I will not be content until all know who our Savior is. I will GO until He comes, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He stops me. I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. 

THEN JESUS CAME TO THEM AND SAID, "ALL AUTHORITY ON HEAVEN AND ON EARTH HAS BEEN GIVEN TO ME. THEREFORE GO AND MAKE DISCIPLES OF ALL NATIONS. BAPTIZING THEM IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, AND THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT; TEACHING THEM TO OBEY EVERYTHING I HAVE COMMANDED YOU. AND SURELY I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS TO THE VERY END OF THE AGE. MATTHEW 28:18-20

it's been a very long time since i've blogged.

my first semester of college was one of the biggest struggles of my life. i felt very alone and had a hard time keeping my faith strong. i felt far away, emotionally, from everyone i knew and when i got hurt even a little bit, i built my wall back up towards God and all of my closest friends. the hardest part of it all was that i faked my way through. anyone that asked how i was doing was given the answer, "great". the majority of these people, i'm sure, could see right through me but kept to themselves. i think a major problem for me was that i was living in the past. senior year was the greatest time of my life. i had an awesome community surrounding me and i was living for the Lord. over the summer, life got even better when i went to work crew. there, i met the greatest people i've ever known, had awesome fellowship, and grew so much closer to God than i had ever been. so imagine how hard it was to go from that to a college where i hardly knew anyone. i had such big expectations for my first semester and when none of them happened, i was angry. over winter break, i went to a reunion with all of my work crew friends, and for the first time in a long time, i was honest with myself and with God. at that point, i decided some major changes needed to happen. i asked God to invade my heart once again and to break down the walls that i built back up around it. i decided that i was going to stop living for myself - stop seeking my own glory - and finally get back to what really mattered in my life; JESUS CHRIST. i cant tell you all how grateful i am that our Father is so forgiving and loves us so incredibly much. he never ceases to amaze me. when i look at my first semester of college, i am so disappointed in myself and i just cannot comprehend how he still loves me after all the times i slapped in the face. yet, i know he does. i know he is rooting for me and is tugging me along telling me that there is more to this life and more i have to do for him. i know we've only had about three weeks of this new year, but already i feel him working. (now that i'm finally letting go of control) in such a short amount of time, he has brought my best friend and i back together for his purpose and started building community here in college. in one week, he introduced me to new friends who are so passionately living for him and gave me opportunities to have honest fellowship with them. i can feel how much bigger he is than i make him out to be. i dont want to live for myself anymore. i want to live for his purpose. i am surrendering all of me to glorify his name, no matter what that takes. i am so so so thankful for a God who picks me up when i fall and never leaves my side. he died for me so i will live for him. 


love forever and always.